No more FACES, no more Insights

For those who've followed me elsewhere,  Facebook and Wix, you'll know that I've been editing two newsletters for the past couple of years. Insights Journal, a retrospective on mental wellness; and FACES, dedicated to recovering substance abusers and their families/ friends.

These were both supported by Summit Pointe, a member of SWMBHA.

With new PTB in charge, changes have to be made. Always. Full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes. It ain't broke but we'll fix it anyway.

The newsletter changes are radical. The two focuses are "fused together"... in theory. In reality, the single focus of the new newsletter (to be officially titled next month) is to show "everyone" what resources are available in Battle Creek. That's all. No personal stories, no "this is what it's like living with fill-in-the-blank," no distraction therapy, no motivational quotes or articles. No interest-grabbing cover art. We won't even be listing local support groups anymore.

What we will be doing, is listing web sites for people to look up the information on their own.

And we'll be doing it in eight pages, twice a year. Not twelve to twenty pages, four times a year. TWICE. A. YEAR. I, personally,  refuse to call it a newsletter anymore.

The Client Advisory Committee is expected to be the Voice of the Consumer for Summit Pointe. So if you have ever enjoyed reading either the FACES or the Insights, please keep an eye out for their successor, and be sure to tell us what you think about the new format. Let's see how muted our voices will be.

Monday Morning Blues

Yes, I know it's Tuesday.

But these blues have been hanging around for awhile, now. I don't know if it's the withdrawal from my meds (that I probably should start taking again, but really- what's the point?) or just the inevitable acknowledgement that my life pretty much sucks right now.

While there are so many positives that I could focus on, I can't seem to shake the life-long negative outlook. The past is past, but it's still with me. And it's hanging on tight.

If anyone ever tries to tell me that my grandma wasn't a witch, I'll laugh in their face. She may not have been Wiccan, but she definitely was able to cast a spell or two. And one of them was on me. All those years that my poor late husband thought that HE was the one that was cursed, and it turns out that it was ME all along. Bless his little heart. Yes, my dear mama cursed me. She was just trying to save me a world of pain, her heart was in the right place. It's my own fault for trying to go against it all these years.

This might be my last posting, as I've pretty much given up writing again. Long story. Just know that I am so tired of fighting everybody and everything in my current life.

Oh well. If I get back to the motel right now, I can still make the 12:25 showing of Logan that I promised to take Uilliam to see. Thus allowing me to catch the last bus into town to attend the Rally tonight that my buddy Deyon will be speaking at. Finding a way home afterward should be hilarious. I really miss my Trixie. She was a good car. Until her frame broke!

Square Peg in a Round Hole

So I've talked about quitting the newsletter I started editing, because I really just don't fit in with the group. I was told by one committee member that "You're not the editor," which really pi$$ed me off because that was why I was asked to join in the first place. To be the editor. Then when I spoke out about not being needed in the group, everyone argued that I am. Well, no, I'm Not! I am supposed to be the voice of someone without an addiction (apparently books don't count as an addiction-- good to know!). But it feels like everything that I bring up is shot down because "You don't understand what it's like to be an addict." No shit, Sherlock. But I know what it's like to live with someone with an addiction. That was supposed to be my voice. But my voice is being silenced because I don't know what it's like. The Square Peg cannot fit in the round hole without changing to a round peg.

So I guess that I've made up my mind. I'll finish this issue, then hand the reins over to someone that does know. They can figure out the formatting by themselves. Hope they have fun with the website. Luckily Wix is a very user-friendly format for the website (otherwise I wouldn't have gotten it started! I am not the techno-geek!!). Oh dear, I probably shouldn't use the word "user" in conjunction with the addiction recovery site. It has the wrong vibe.

Blah. I'll just go back to airing my creativity with yarn. Until someone decides that I don't know what I'm doing with that. Then I can tell them to stuff it.

It doesn't help that I've got my annual weather-change cold and my head feels stuffed with cotton. I should be home in bed with a cup of hot chocolate and a library book. But I haven't written on here for awhile so I had to get something posted, so I wouldn't feel like a total loser.

Bleh. It's cocoa time. Where's my bag of marshmallows?

What Might Have Been

Have been having a long dance with the coulda-shoulda-woulda troupe this last week.

Constantly questioning, second-guessing, hopelessly wishing, and just ruminating.

Wondering how many second chances do we really get, and how many should we take? It's a trying question. Will I ever be the person that I want to be? Some days the odds look better than others. Some days... well, some days the Prozac just isn't strong enough to deal with the Labeled Quirk of the Week.

But for today at least, I'll keep on keeping on. And watching Sage dance to the song of the same title. That always puts the happy endorphin level into full mode. :-)

Trump Failed Already

Going into the library today, a young man held the door open and nudged his friend back. "Dude, ladies first! Don't you know anything?"

So Trump has failed to fuck up the entire country on his first day. There may be hope for the country yet!

Gods Bless Willard Library

Went to the library tonight to use the computers to clean up a memory card for Alanda's phone.... only to watch my card reader die a quick and painful (for me) death.

LUCKILY, the wonderful staff did have a card reader that I could use, and a multi-card reader at that, so I was able to read and clean and use my precious little microcards. As a bonus, I was able to find an online converter for some files on my phone and was able to read that memory card as well. Otherwise I might never hear these sound bites again because they saved on my old (very very old) phone as QCP files. Whatever the heck that means! Also had some voicemails saved as AMR files; now they are all converted to mp3 files. So as soon as I dig out my headphones I'll find out whether the conversion was successful. And to CMOA, I backed those files up on Google Drive.

Which I could never have done without Willard Library and their computer and internet access. So Blessings Upon The Public Library!

And many blessings upon my techie friends that got me over my terror of computers and technology in the first place. :-) HUGE bouquets to ya'll!

Fifteen Minutes of Fame

Not that I'm famous.
It's just that I only have fifteen minutes before my ride leaves the library.
So I thought it was a cute title. Smile already!

Updates on the craft front: last month I finished a pair of knitted socks for Sage, and managed to get them both done before he outgrows them. Huge accomplishment in many ways. I also started the knitted mini-purse for Jenni, and have gotten the front finished with a very cool "J" knit in intarsia. Using variegated yarn for the letter added an extra "oomph," I thought. Photos can be seen of both projects on my projects page on Ravelry. Look for me as Mommalyn. I don't keep it as updated as I'd like to, but that shouldn't be a surprise after seeing how long it took me to get back to my blog! Lack of convenient computer access is a major reason. So if you want to hear more from me, buy me a new computer and get me internet access. Or at least get me a new computer, I'll go next door to Burger King for internet access!

The purse for Jenni isn't finished yet, it's going to take longer than usual because I (a) am knitting it on smaller needles for a tighter stitch, (b) don't get to work on it as often as I want because the three-year-old likes to hoard my attention, (c) even though it's a mini-purse, it has compartments so is actually bigger than the usual mini-purse, and (d) it's done in black yarn, which I can only work on for limited amounts of time before my eyes give out. But I will get it done, and post finished photos both on Ravelry and Facebook.

OK, my ride is getting restless... so toodle-oo for now. In the immortal words of The Terminator, "I'll Be Back!"